From the bottom of her hospital bed, I sat and stared at my mom. She was heavily sedated, sleeping under her blanket. It’s been a day after her amputation, and I still did not have the guts to look at what is (or what is not there) under.

Suddenly, while mumbling in her sleep, her leg (or non-leg) shot up in the air, pushing the sheets mid-thigh, and exposing a white stump right in front of my face. For a moment, I was paralyzed. “So this is what an amputated leg looks like”. I felt numb. “God, why do your people have to go through so much pain and suffering? From my dad, and now my mom. Am I next?” This heavy darkness followed me for days.

A week later, which seemed like an eternity of blood and tears, we finally brought Mama home. Her room was re-arranged to be wheelchair friendly. A lift is to be built for easier access to the house. Her transport needed to be modified for her dialysis treatments 3x a week. The little everyday tasks, like getting up from bed, reaching for water, or going to the toilet, have now become an extravagant ritual of trials and errors in finding the best way to accomplish each one of them.

Joy, my younger sister, is the real heroine behind this painful process of adjusting to a new life without one limb. Being with my mom 24 hours, 7 days a week for the past years, I cannot imagine the exhaustion and zombie-land she is in now. I guess my mom named her right. Just what we need during these times. JOY.

Looking at Mama now, I am reminded of Job’s story. If there is another battle happening in the spiritual realm, I think she is winning this war. The slow deterioration of her body does not stop her from listening to the Word, singing praises, and praying for everyone. It takes a deep kind of faith to have this sustenance of spirit in choosing to worship God, even with a broken spirit, a contrite heart, and one foot.

For those who sent in their financial support to help get Mom out of the hospital, we pray blessings upon you, more than what you have shared. For those who prayed, messaged, visited, and continue to help us adjust in this new season, may God repay your kindness.

All our lives He has been faithful, so we will not stop declaring the goodness of God. We keep walking forward in faith and not by sight… nor by leg. 😛

All is well.