January 9, 2025

It was my friend’s birthday.

After over 2 weeks of self-isolation and suicidal ideations, I compelled myself to take a day off of the drowning darkness that persistently loomed over me during the holidays. I genuinely wanted to celebrate the day with her. She was THAT friend you’d want to wake up for, even when you feel like dying.

Battling the social anxiety that was eager to explode and cause me to run far away from the ceremonial festivities of a Filipino birthday party, I presented myself to “mom” and “dad”, my friends’ parents who adopted me during our university days. I did miss them a lot.

I was spending the night with them, so as soon as I finished my dinner, I bolted out of the events place and into the comforts of their home. Thankfully, I was able to get through the night without blacking out.

I thought it could not get better than that.

I was about to go to bed when dad came into our room and started a monologue on how much he loved his daughter (my friend). Hearing him express his emotions without reservations, I felt a pang of happy-jealousy. Lucky her, she still has her father alive.

Suddenly my friend entered the room and started a dialogue with her dad that sounded something like this:

Her: Look at your daughter (pointed at me), she needs help but refuses to ask for help (referring to my mental health status).

Dad: I have been asking from the very start, how do we help her?

Her: She needs to go to the doctor and be prescribed medicine, but she has no finances to follow through.

Dad: (Looks at me) How much is the doctor’s consultation?

I hesitantly say the price for the initial and succeeding consults.

Dad: Ok, we will pay for that. How much is medicine?

I say the estimated monthly cost.

Dad: Ok, we will pay for all that. What else?

Shocked with the instant immense generosity, an overwhelming feeling of unworthiness flooded inside me. I told dad I could not accept such good will.

He raised his voice and the sweetest words came out of his cursing lips,

Dad: *insert curse here!* WHY ARE YOU DENYING ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO HELP YOU?

My friend chimed in and they both brought me back to planet earth.

We ended the night with…

Dad: You’re also my daughter. I want you to be ok.

I cried myself to sleep that night.

I cried for my friend, who even during her birthday, selflessly shared her father with me. I cried for dad, for all the pain he had to go through in life, to be able to understand the quiet pleas of people in need. I cried for mom, for her sacrifices in building a home that runaways could find refuge in.

I cried a bucket of gratitude because God gave me a family like them.

A month later, I started my mood stabilizing medication with a pleasant doctor. All paid up.

To be continued…