“How do you do it? When you hate the world already, and you just want to run away and hide and die? But you can’t because there is so much more you need to do? I want to do all those things but I cannot.”

– an FB Messenger sender

𝐇𝐢 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐲 𝐁𝐢𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐫,

One of our biggest tendencies is to accept more responsibilities than the normal person. This is because on our good days, we know we can deliver – and we deliver well! This is the reason why people always ask us to do things for them, or they specifically choose us, because we achieve things better than others.

Now, because of our extreme tendencies, we do not accomplish work like normal people. We give 200% more than what is necessary for a single task. This depletes our energy more than the usual person.

There’s more! Because of our extreme high sense of responsibility, we feel like we have no other choice but to finish them all. This is where the tiredness creeps in. We are then overwhelmed by the many tasks that we have to accomplish with great excellence, that our brain is drained like crazy, we desire to die instead.

This is not being dramatic like others judge us to be. This is how an extremely exhausted bipolar brain thinks, only you and I can understand.

𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓, 𝐈 𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬:

1. How did I reach this point? I list down all the tasks and people I said “YES” to.
2. What will I gain from all these? I cross out the tasks that has no real benefit for me and my personal growth.
3. What will I lose if I say “NO” to recurring tasks? I write down the worst things that can happen to me if I turn down energy-sucking activities.

𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐃, 𝐈 𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦:

1. What can I do to solve what is here now? I remind myself that some tasks do not require my 200% best. Don’t worry, because we have bipolar condition, our 50% effort is already the best efforts for a normal person.
2. What is priority? I do a checklist of what is most important and I do not push myself to finish everything. My brain will keep telling me to finish all now! But I will force myself to sleep when I need to sleep. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
3. Is there anything I can say “no” to? I go back to the list and identify some things I can turn down. I apologize to the person who asked for it. I honestly say that my brain cannot handle the responsibility for now. Most of the time, I’d be surprised at how understanding some people are. Or if they show their disappointments or anger, I’ve learned to ignore such people. My mental health is more important.

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐃, 𝐈 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐬𝐨 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧.

1. Choose what to say “YES” to. When someone asks me to do something, I take a pause and weigh my options carefully, before saying my precious YES.
2. I remind myself everyday that I can say NO to people. Do this everyday because sometimes, in our ups and downs, we forget.
3. As soon as I wake up each day, I pray. “Dear God, regulate my brain so I don’t do extreme things today.”

As you learn to choose your “YESes” and practice to say your “NOs”, your hatred of the world will be reduced, your desire to die will lessen and your longing to run & hide will slowly diminish.

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