June 23
The Hills Sarangkot
Pokhara, Nepal

Traveling solo used to be exhilarating for me. Sadly, after turning 30, I noticed I get sick every time I travel by myself. Now that I’m older, being alone in a foreign land makes me feel vulnerable.

This “medical emergency” has pinned me down in Nepal, feeling half deaf and living inside a sound bubble. I wondered why everything in my life has to be so hard.

The doctor’s recommendation: “You’re not allowed to fly out until your eardrum has healed. It will take 2 weeks to a month, or more.”

The nights are most painful because the realities of tomorrow joins my pillow. Where do I get my next finances? Where do I stay next? What do I eat tomorrow?

The anxiety of deciding if I should go home or if I should extend my stay as the doctor recommended, kept playing over and over in my head. But how do I stay when my Gcash and bank account clearly said “it’s time to go home!”

More than that, the dread of having another eardrum rupture loomed ahead, should I choose to go against my doctor’s orders.

If not for my good friend Quetiapine, I would have stayed up late nights just bawling my eyes out. Again, in this season, I’m thankful for my Bipolar meds.

Today, I woke up intentionally putting my emotions aside. Despite the rumbling mixed emotions, I chose to be grateful.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” – Philippians 4:8

1. I’M NOT IN PHYSICAL PAIN
   Despite the many blood, I feel no pain.
   
   
   
2. IT WAS MY EARS RUPTURED AND NOT MY EYES
   I cannot imagine being in another country and not being able to see.
   
   
   
3. NEPAL HAS A LOWER EXCHANGE RATE THAN THE PHILIPPINES
   It’s my first time to be in a country where my peso is stronger! I feel rich… but only for a few days.
   
   
   
4. ACCOMMODATIONS ARE CHEAP
   The tourism industry is so vast, I can’t run out of options. I can choose to stay in good places that is half the price compared to the Philippines.
   
   
   
5. I CAN EAT
   I don’t have to die of hunger because food is everywhere, and it’s half the cost of what I normally eat back home.
   
   
   
6. I CAN WALK
   My unreliable knees have not acted out so far. So I can do all the free walking self-tour
   
   
   
7. I CAN AFFORD TO SEE A DOCTOR
   And I did… 2 times even! Just to kill the anxiety that I was misdiagnosed the first time.
   
   
   
8. NEPALESE LOVE FILIPINOS
   Most Nepalese I met have worked in the Middle East and they would tell me that their best friends were Filipinos. It was the same with me. I love them.
   
   
   
9. MY MOM DIDN’T DIE
   On my first days here in Nepal, my mom was rushed to the hospital for an emergency surgery that took forever to happen. I felt so faraway and helpless. My sister Joy has always been the reliable caregiver, I thank God for her life.
   
   
   
10. POKHARA IS IN NEPAL
    The paragliding valley is in Nepal. So what does a lost pilot soul do? She got into the bus, even if it took 11 hours, that brought her to flying paradise.
    
    

I chose to be thankful today. I hope tomorrow I stay the same.