When is Fighting Grounds for Break-up?

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Dear Charlie,

I had been staring at your question for an hour now and I have many to say but don’t know how. So what we’ll do is we’ll ask everybody else because wise people are just lurking in the corners willing to help those who ask for it.

Here’s what they have to say!

Althea says:

How often is often?

If you fight 4 days a week, you should rethink your relationship. Fights between couples are healthy but if there are more bad days than good days, something is wrong.

How shallow is shallow?

Concept of shallow varies per couple. My boyfriend, for example, gets really grumpy when he stays up past his normal bedtime of 10:30 PM. We used to fight about how short-fused he gets when we talk on the phone at night but when I realized that he really calls it a night early, I was the one who adjusted to his schedule. I call earlier so that he can go to bed earlier. Grumpiness because one is sleepy may seem a shallow reason to start a fight but these things add up and cause unnecessary tension. The important thing is to be able to adjust to the pet peeves of your other half accordingly. You may have heard this before: Communication is the key. Also, learn to be generous and understanding. Along the way, you’ll realize that you should let some things slide.

When should fighting be a reason for break-up?:

1) When your values are compromised.
2) When he/she asks you to give up something for your relationship. There should always be a middle ground.
3) When he/she disrespects your family and friends.
4) When you are no longer a priority.
5) When he/she is unwilling to recognize his shortcomings (even after countless fights).

Mie says:

Ito po ang aking opinion dungu ko, think before you act…. kapag nag-away kayo it doesnt mean you have to break up… you think things over. Is the fight reasonable enough to end the relationship? or does the REASON of the fight have to end things?….

Lola Basyang says:

How often is often? Often is everyday.

How shallow is shallow? Shallow is when you tell your parents about the fight and they won’t laugh.

When should fighting be a reason for break-up? When after you both exhausted ALL your efforts to make things work and it still doesn’t or there’s a big possibility it would still be a problem in the future, it’s time to say goodbye.

Katrina says:

When it slowly becomes an opportunity that you look forward to so you can make your partner miserable and you start to feed from that misery.

Aponibettu says:

How often is often?

like every other day or so.

How shallow is shallow?

I consider any of the following shallow:

– not returning phone calls/ not replying to texts.

– not saying good night at the end of the day.

– just for the heck of fighting.

When should it be over? you’ll know it’s time to end it when that comes or when you have exhausted all of the resources that you have to save/mend the broken relationship. that all leads to a single road– break up…

Rain Zaldarriaga says:

When the reason for the fight is non-negotiable for you, walk away.

Rhoda Leona Del Rosario says:

i think you should stop for a while and ask your self if you love him or her, and the next question is? do i need to have her/him in my arms again and be with him/her for the rest of my life….. and then ask your self again, separate lives maybe the best way and in GOD’s time if your meant to be you’ll have her/him gain and that’s for keeps….

KYUNG says:

when your disagreements often turn into character assassination and a rewind of past sins that you end up forgetting what you have been fighting about in the first place.

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Thanks for asking! To ask me more, go here.

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