Their website says…

is a leading taxi operator serving customers driven by professionally trained and friendly drivers.

So they say.

At 7:30 Saturday evening, I rode an EMIRATES taxi home.

Me: Opposite Khalidiya Village.

Driver: Khalidiya Mall?

Me: No. You know Khalidiya Village?

Driver: No.

Me: Shakboot Street You know?

Driver: No.

Me: 28th Street?

Driver: No.

Me: Why don’t you know? It’s a main street.

Driver: No.

ME: Every driver should know that.

Driver: No every driver.

He mumbles a complain.

ME: You’re the first driver I met who doesn’t know Shakboot Street.

Driver: We don’t know. No Shakboot. No 28th Street.

Me: Shakboot and 28th Street are the same.

Silence.

Me: You really don’t know Khalidiya Village?

Driver: Corniche?

Me: NO. KHA-LI-DI-YAHHHH. Khalidiya Village.

Driver: Why Khalidiya Village?

Me: (With great patience) Because that’s where I’m going. OPPOSITE Khalidiya Village in Shakboot Street which is 28th Street.

Silence.

Me: Do you understand what opposite means?

Driver: Opposite?

I do a visual explanation of what opposite is. The driver stares at me blankly.

Driver: Go straight? Signal right?

Me: You’re the driver, why are you asking me?

Driver goes straight. We were absolutely lost.

Me: Can you ask someone, anyone where Khalidiya Village is.

Silence.

Me: Do you have navigator?

Driver: Navigator?

Me: Can’t you call anyone? Ask someone for directions?

Silence.

Me: Can you ask another driver for directions?

Silence.

I roll my window down and ask for directions myself from the taxi beside us. The other driver gives me a weird-why-are-you-asking-me-ask-your-driver look.

Me: Just tell me where Shakboot Street is.

Other Driver: Signal right, next street, Shakboot.

Me: (to my driver): See, he knows.

The driver goes straight.

Me: You should have turned right.

Driver mumbles something. We did a U-turn, a left turn, a right turn and another right turn.

Me: Here. This is Shakboot Street. Can you read that sign? 28th Street.

Driver: You’re going Khalidiya COMPOUND! COMPOUND, no Village.

Me: You know Khalidiya Compound?!

Driver: Yes.

Me: Compound, village they’re the same word.

Driver: No Khalidiya Village. It is Khalidiya Compound.

Me: Can you not read that sign? It says Khalidiya VILLAGE.

Silence.

Me: Ok, turn left.

Driver: Right?

Me: LEFT. I said left.

Driver: Why left?

Me: “£$%^&*(@”

No, of course, I don’t curse.

Me: Stop here.

He keeps on going.

Me: STOP!

He stops.

Me: I’m not paying you full.

Driver complains.

Me: Why will I pay you when you don’t know where you’re going?

Driver argues.

Too tired to fight back, I pay him in full, get a receipt and walk the remaining feet home.

The 10-minute trip home became a 45-minute fiasco. The 10-Dirham ride home became a 28-Dirham damage.

I hope that professionally trained and friendly driver had a good evening.