I have yet to see the day when my husband would start a fight with me. If I were to make a chart of who inititated disputes in our relationship it would look like this:
The Captain is a peace-loving human being sent to earth to love a war-freak person like me. When we were still dating, I had my own flat to run to and hide in when we had a conflict. Now that we’re married, I have to climb into bed with him even if I’m fuming in anger.
Two of the very first reasons I fell in love with the Captain were his sensibility and rationality. Like my dad, when there’s a misunderstanding, my husband would take time to talk and grasp what’s going on. A lot of our clashes stem out of cultural differences and only proper reasoning and understanding would resolve those issues.
From my experience there is no big difference in how to end wars whether you’re living in one roof or not. It’s not the place or the status of the relationship that dictates your ability to express, comprehend and accept. Communication is still the most effective way to go. Cliche, but true.
Settling disputes must be INTENTIONAL. It’s a conscious effort to fix and not to blow things up. Also, one must sacrificially take the first step. Many times did my husband pin me down just so we could talk. He wouldn’t stop asking what’s wrong until my clamped lips would do an epilogue.
I also try as much as I can to end the day without a disagreement. Only a superhuman could maintain a clean sheet in that but every argument settled is a score on your tally board. Whenever I lay in bed angry, I close my eyes for a moment and pray to God for a forgiving heart. Doing that helps me say the words, ”let’s talk.” Or when my emotions go before me, I stop for a while and ask God to grant me patience and a cleaner mouth. It works, always.
Every I’m sorry and you’re forgiven is a battle won. Don’t miss the rainbow that comes after you raise your white flag. Take that first step!
PS: I’d like to appreciate you for pointing out that phrase in parenthesis. Yes, I do believe in the Biblical principle that living-in is designed for marriage and there are and always will be sad consequences for partners living together outside wedlock.
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