Let me share with you lessons from the book LIFEMATES by David and Janet Congo.
Together you were ready to set up house and settle down to the task of creating a life together – a married life. As time went on, you learn what it was like to live on a daily basis with another human being, not just the person of your dreams.
Perhaps a dark thought periodically passed through your mind.
‘Maybe I married too quickly’
‘Maybe I married for the wrong reasons’
After watching and counseling other couples for over 25 years, it is our perspective that most, if not all of us, married for the ‘wrong’ reasons.
Some of us married in hopes of being taken care of. For others … we used marriage to declare our independence.
Perhaps social pressure was behind your choice to marry.
Sexual attraction may have helped you choose marriage. You’d never experience such strong feelings before.
Perhaps there was a resulting pregnancy and it seemed that the only honorable choice was to get married.
Some of us married our mates because they had qualities that we adored – qualities that we frankly didn’t have.
Or perhaps you were looking for someone who needed you desperately and made you feel strong, important and invaluable.
Whatever your reason, on your wedding day… you pledged yourself to each other. With those spoken vows, you became life mates.
Everything went along fine until that day when perhaps your husband or wife asked more of you than you were willing to give. In that dark moment of disillusionment you may have asked yourself,
‘Is it possible to create a lifetime love story with someone I married for all the wrong reason?’
Our answer is ‘yes’ – a resounding ‘yes’, despite the fact that 99% of us married for all the wrong reasons. Frankly, we’re not even sure what the right reasons are.
Lifetime marriages are not dependent on what happened or didn’t happen in courtship.
A lifetime love story is intentional. It is deliberate.
It doesn’t just happen by accident, but the result of daily choice – a choice to look ahead and not back. Instead of saying “Maybe I didn’t,” our words need to be, “Today I choose”.
Marriage must be intentional.
Quoted from LIFEMATES, A Lover’s Guide for a Lifetime Relationship
3 thoughts on “Valentines by the Beach”
and I quote:
“A lifetime love story is intentional. It is deliberate.”
– I like this one, cheers on your marriage 🙂
Thank you for posting this Deb! Just rmebmeer this as they get older too. I had found myself instantly saying No.’ to things that my teens wanted to do. I mainly would say no because usually it meant more work for me, or a change in the schedule, or just because. But Matt and I had a good conversation about them and that they really ARE great kids, and really is it asking that much. SO, I’m working on this too. Even if I’m not sure and I most likely will say no, I always try to say, let’s talk about it , then we’ll see. Usually it ends up being yes, and if it will be no, at least it’s not flying out of my mouth as an immediate NO!
I’ve been looking for a post like this forever (and a day)